Dorothy's Journal - Episode Two (Random and Rolling)

[Dorothy Hui]

One round down! Life on Bruxelles is looking pretty positive for me overall if the first round is any indication. I've got a tight bond with Burnie. I've got dozens of nicknames and job titles from Julia. Daniele, scary as she is sometimes, has warm feelings toward me. I think I'm on pretty good terms with everyone on the tribe, even the ones that show up for only 10-15 minutes per day. We won the first challenge. We've got momentum behind us. Everything is coming up Dorothy, right?

---

NOPE.

Even though not going to Tribal Council right off the bat is pretty stellar, you've got to take the good with the bad, and that means sitting out two players for the upcoming challenge.

Seeing that we had 48 hours to do it, my gut instinct was that this would be a creative challenge - I couldn't think of anything else that would take 48 hours for people to get done. In about half of the games I've played, there's usually some sort of creative challenge early on, either something photo based (which I would flop at) or something involving creative writing. And considering what I do for a living, I can generally be depended upon to not completely embarrass myself for the latter.

I don't want to imply that my background in creative writing gives me any sort of an edge in a challenge like this one. Yes, my undergraduate degree is in Creative Writing, and I've spent a little over a year working at a daily newspaper, so I have a pretty decent chunk of experience. But there's a big difference between writing for a news audience and writing for an entertainment audience. That's what challenges like this come down to - you could have all the experience and background in the world, but if the content itself doesn't connect with the judges, it doesn't mean a thing. I can dot my i's and cross my t's all I want, but even if my copy is as clean as a fresh bubble bath, the other teams could easily have more creative ideas.

Besides, spit in the air and it'll land on someone in the ORG community who has a knack and talent for writing. I'm not even the only one with a writing background on my tribe, since I know Burnie is pursuing a minor in creative writing and Carrie claims to have a journalism degree. I guarantee that Amsterdam and Luxembourg have some talented writers on their sides, too.

All that said, I know I could contribute positively to our tribe's success, and especially this early in the game, I want to be trying my hardest to show my tribemates that I'm invested in us winning and can be depended on to help out. I've told everyone that I'm an English major, so they all know I would be a good fit for a challenge like this.

But, of course, no one wants to be the leader. No one wants to be the person to say "Guys, I think this person and that person should sit out." Why? Because I think we've all watched enough Survivor to know that leadership roles just paint massive targets on you. We had a long time for someone to step up and guide us through the process of sitting people out, and it really shouldn't have been that hard. If someone checked in on AIM and said they could do it, awesome, let's have them compete. If we haven't heard from someone or someone might be busy, respectfully sitting them out makes sense.

I couldn't get on AIM until later on in the evening than I usually have so far in this game because Fridays are a mess at daily newspapers (since we have to have enough material to print for the weekend). My day already wasn't going super great because my editor chose to hold one of the stories on my schedule for next week after I had spent over an hour writing the damn thing, and had spent all week getting interviews done and scheduling photo opportunities. I wouldn't have minded if I hadn't already spent such a long time writing the story - if he had told me he would hold it earlier, I would have worked on my other piece that I was holding off on and been able to leave the office sooner.

I came home grumpy, and the fact that no one on my tribe took the initiative to sit people out by the time I had left the office made me even unhappier. I open up the Treemail thread to see how Random.org has decided to mess with us, and...



I'm sitting out. Of a challenge that I KNOW I can do, and a challenge that I think my less active tribe members are going to tank. It sucks. It sucks a LOT.

I've just got to be the best cheerleader I can be, I guess. With two tribes going to Tribal Council again, the only thing I can control about this challenge is keeping everyone's spirits up. GO BRUXELLES!

---

What I can also do to control my fate is to really shore up some serious alliances - and this rate, I'm feeling good about finding myself in the majority should the worst come to pass.

I'm already solid with Burnie individually and Julia individually, with the intention of the three of us joining together for a solid trio. Julia wants that to happen too, and I don't think Burnie objects to it either since he expressed a desire to talk more with Julia once I told him that she said positive things about him.

I did approach Burnie for an alliance first before Julia and I confirmed ours, but I've talked more game with Julia overall, and I really think she considers me her best ally. I think I can trust Julia a lot about where I think the game is going, and vice versa - we've got some similar opinions on the state of the tribe and how to move forward, and the fact that we've got fun nicknames is a pretty huge bonus. Between the two of us, I think we're the most active socially on the tribe.

Maybe that's why Carrie's return from Exile led her to us? Carrie returned to camp telling us about her experience on Exile Island (turns out the clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol there is only a one in three shot, and Carrie chose wrong), and I think she was feeling nervous about being away from us for three days, because she went to Julia and asked for an alliance.

I may have said some not super flattering things about Carrie's conversational abilities in previous journal pages, but I don't think she comes across as unlikable by any means - I just don't have as exciting conversations with her as I do with Julia and Burnie. The fact that Carrie told Julia in the same breath that she likes Burnie and myself as well for an alliance means Julia and I hardly have to run around doing this leg work for ourselves. I'm not even concerned that Carrie went to Julia before coming to me, because even if Carrie is closer to Julia, I think Burnie is closer to me.

I went to Carrie after talking it over wtih Julia and told her I would be excited about working with her, and at this point, getting into any majority is comfrotable to me. Carrie has given me no reason to distrust her yet, so why not? Assuming Burnie would be cool with this too, then we've got four, and that means we would only need one more person to give us a solid five, which would last us throughout our time on Bruxelles without incident.

There's plenty of time to determine who that fifth would be, or if we would even need to make it an official group. Carrie already is targeting Ricky for inactivity, and since Ricky is easily one of the two I've bonded with the least on this tribe (the other being Shelli), I have no qualms about voting against him if it comes down to it. He's hardly around enough for me to feel bad about putting a parchment in for him if we lose, although if we do lose and the vote goes against him, I'm sure the fact random.org forced him out of the challenge is going to sting for him. I know it would for me.  

[Dorothy Hui]

^I'm pretty sure this is Steuart's approach to this challenge. We are SO going to Tribal Council.

I'm feeling really frustrated with my tribe at the moment. We've had 48 hours to work on this challenge. Only two people, Burnie and Steuart, have made any progress toward the finished product, and in my opinion, the product we have in progress is going to land us in hot water if we even finish it in the first place.

There is barely any communication about where we want this story to go. There was no discussion about an outline for the plot so people can jump in easier. There was no communication about tone. There was no delegation. Burnie simply decided to write an introduction to get started since someone had to, and then Steuart jumped in writing a NOVEL, and the story still has what, like 15 more eliminations to get through before we reach the end?

Steuart, did you miss the memo? National Novel Writing Month is in November, not August. Also, your ability to know who all the reps are is totally awesome and I'm proud of you, but I think you forgot that HALF OUR TRIBE DOESN'T KNOW WHO THESE REPS ARE. How do you expect them to jump in with the same level of characterization?

Also, I'm not a huge fan of our idea. This D-List Reality Horror Night flick in the making is so wildly inconsistent that I can't imagine the finished product reading like anything thematically appropriate. It's like we're trying to write a sequel to Sharknado and getting Birdemic instead. There's so bad it's good and just straight up bad, and UGH, it pains me to say it, but I hate what my tribe has accomplished at the time of this journal entry.

I KNOW I could have made a difference to this challenge. Fear of a leadership role be damned, SOMEONE needed to take the reins here to really direct our vision. Someone needed to have the courage to say when something wasn't working and offer ways to fix it. We've had all this time and Steuart is trying to assert himself, but he's going about it in the wrong way. He's not thinking like the judges, he's not thinking like our tribemates - he's thinking like himself, and there's no "I" in Bruxelles, my friend.

---

And that's another thing - did half my tribe just straight up DISAPPEAR?

I can understand Daniele not being around - her fiance is sick with the flu and some bad seizures, she's got four pre-teens and teens to take care of at the same time, and she already told the tribe she's been really busy trying to work through all that. Thank you for telling us, Daniele. Please care for your man. We love you.

But where the hell is Carrie, a supposed journalist who could be helping with this challenge? Where the hell is Mackenzie, who said he had an idea to contribute the night the challenge was posted and then went completely MIA the rest of the night and all of Saturday? What about Shelli? Her company is gone now, so what the fuck is her excuse for not responding to messages and not lifting a finger to type up something for the story? I would lambast Ricky for not being around too, but he's NEVER around, and the fact that he's sitting out of the challenge anyway means his presence is more or less unnecessary, even if it would be great if he could, you know, GET TO KNOW THE PEOPLE HE'S BEEN PLAYING WITH FOR A WEEK NOW.

In what universe did all nine of us get together to win the first challenge again? Are we in the same universe? Has the timeline changed? Did we appropriate something from a parallel narrative and sew it into our own like a two-bit screenwriter? What the actual hell is happening here?

If we end up going to Tribal Council, I can't wait to vote some of these people off. If you don't care enough to be here, I don't care enough to keep you safe. Don't get burned by your torch as you carry it to get snuffed. Bye. Get out.

[Dorothy Hui]

Ugh, Daniele.

I'm of two minds with Daniele's decision to leave the game. On the one hand, I'm really sad about the way she had to go out. I had spoken to Daniele at length about her family and all the responsibilities she has in caring for all of them, and the last time I got to talk to her, she was telling everyone in the tribe chat that her fiance was having some particularly bad seizures in addition to coming down with the flu. Daniele hinted at just how serious those seizures could get, so her telling us all that she was taking some time away to handle the situation is totally understandable. My frustrations with my tribe's activity certainly didn't extend to Daniele because she was very straight up about her circumstances. The fact that it's those circumstances that meant she had to remove herself from the game makes me hope she's still doing alright - Katia assured me that she was, but still, every time we talked she seemed so stressed out. I hope stepping away from this makes things a little better in that regard.

On the other hand, I'm relieved she's gone because I felt she could be such a massive threat down the line. As much as I respect Daniele as a person, as a player in this game, she terrified me with her level of experience and her ability to cut to the heart of the matter. I knew that I wanted to vote her out eventually, but that was such a distant future that I wonder if it would have ever happened at all. With her leaving like this, it eliminates a hurdle I would have had to leap over at some point. There are still hurdles on the track, but this one seemed particularly tall and full of splinters, so it does help me to breathe a little easier.

I hope I didn't come across as disrespectful to Daniele in this journal. If anything, my fear of her was based in my respect for her. Daniele, if you read this post game, I want you to know that I really enjoyed our chats, I wish you the best, and I hope we can play again together sometime.

---

On top of Daniele's exit, I feel bad about how frustrated I got last page in regards to Burnie and Steuart's effort, and in some of my tribemates' activity levels.

I ragged on the idea and the novel length story Steuart was leading, but it really did turn out okay, probably because Burnie and Steuart were able to work together well and bounce their mutual knowledge of reality television off of one another for something humorous, if maybe not the most original. The fact that we could have won legit if there was more teamwork if Daniele hadn't have left shows I was really being overly critical of the product. I think maybe I was just sensitive to it because I've invested so much of my life into writing, and I've always had high standards for myself. The writing workshops I've participated in have all been pretty critical, so in turn, I was also critical. But I think my criticisms were shallow and not based in anything constructive, so I do regret that.

Burnie and Steuart did a great job of getting this done even when the rest of the tribe abandoned ship. They deserve more respect than what I showed them last page. They were the heroes Bruxelles needed, and my stock in both of them has risen, particularly Steuart. If Steuart could only be present on AIM more frequently, then he would be in a great position. As it is, I want to pull him into the growing majority that has been developing with me, Burnie, Julia and Carrie, and I want to do it before the inevitable tribe swap and/or Exile Island complicates life for everyone.

And Carrie, ugh ugh ugh. I feel even worse about criticizing her activity levels now that she told me about her father having to be admitted to the hospital. That's so scary for anyone to have to deal with, and understandably Carrie made supporting her dad a priority over telling the tribe what was going on. I should have given her the benefit of the doubt, but instead I think I came across cruel. I let my frustration lapse into uncalled for negativity, and given the circumstances Carrie had, I should have been kinder. I didn't know what was going on with her until she came back again last night - I don't think anyone did - but it wasn't as if she didn't care enough about being here. Real life just took precedence, as it should for everyone.

That said, my frustration with MIA Mackenzie, Silent Shelli and Removed Ricky stands to an extent. They probably each have their reasons for being nowhere to be found, and I'm sure they're good ones. But when you don't make a good faith effort to effectively communicate what those reasons are, even if it's a short post on the tribe thread or two minutes checking into AIM explaining the situation, it makes it difficult for anyone to sympathize much.

This is a social game; building bonds is the most important thing you can possibly be doing. When you aren't around to make those bonds and you're not giving anyone a reason for that, why are you playing? Why did you sign up? If you're not around just because you're not serious about playing, then you'll be at the top of my boot list. If you're going through a hard time in real life, talk to us. Tell us that there's circumstances that you have to deal with first. We'll understand, I hope. As far as I can tell, none of us are assholes. We're all pretty relaxed kinds of people. We'll get it.

[Dorothy Hui]

Case in point:



You can't tell me I'm not trying with Shelli. Where is she...?