The place where I will confess

[Ian Rosenberger]

Final 12 aka Round 8:

I have a lot of thoughts. And feelings. This'll be a fairly sappy confessional. Fair warning there.

So I'll start with the comp. On first though I felt like the auto-elimination twist was incredible unfair. Like I felt very strongly that exile should have been cancelled, let them particpate in a 3 person TC and then an elimination comp. Because that way at the very least when one person is eliminated in the comp it's because THEY lost. With what ended up happening I feel especialy bad for Cody. He was eliminated from the game because Jasmine didn't try hard enough. That must be so devastating and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Now that being said, I am absolutely THRILLED, that I have been a part of an Ulonging in an ORG. And as an IAN ROSENBERGER REP LMFAO. This is gold. No matter how badly this ends for me (i.e. merge boot or 8th place. Both are equally awful tbh), I am HAPPY I was part of an ORG ULONGING <3 

So onto the state of things. I guess I can talk about each person individually? Sure why not.

  
I am lumping these three together since they have one thing in common. None of them are particularly active. Kathy logs on once every 5 days or something. Jaclyn's vocabulary seems limited to the occassional use of "" in the group chat. And Carrie, bless her, has been down with the flu. Any of them could be eliminated/removed and my position in the game would not be affected in the slightest.


Not sure how to feel about Dustin right now. He and I USED to have a good fun bond. But what remains now is like barebones. There is NO WAY he trusts me with important game stuff at this stage. BUT, he is part of the proposed alliance of 6 - Burnie, Dorothy, Dustin, Julia, Tim and I. The more time passes by the more I feel this is not going to end up being a real thing. But right now, I have nothing else. Dustin I think will soon be in a place where he'll be comfortable voting against me. I can't be too sure who his REAL connections are. Maybe Tim. Possibly Dorothy and Carrie. OOOOH. Dorothy and Carrie. That's the most likely. Gotta keep an eye out for that.


I really don't know what to make of Tim. I really really don't. Like I have brought up the six person alliance to him and he always seems on board. But then he says things like "I'm fine being 6th". Then during last round where we weren't sure if we'd win the endurance he was like "If the tribe can't decide who the second person to vote for should be, I'll volunteer". So when I ask him why he wants to suicide, he says he doesn't want to suicide. I don't understand whatsoever. What is the deal here. That's besides the fact that I (and a couple other people) think he has the idol. So is this an idol bait? But WHY? Why not just make the relationships stronger and hold on to the idol? It makes no sense. I am worried to even talk to anyone else about this tendency of his. IDK who else he has told. If I tell someone else and he HASN'T told them, it risks giving away that he and I are close. But TBQH, I have NO REAL IDEA if he and I are ACTUALLY close. This guy confuses the heck out of me.


Burnman is, if nothing else, consistent. He has consistently been a solid relaible source of information. He and I are usually on the same strategic wavelengths. Super easy guy for me to get along with and someone who I VERY REALISTICALLY, wouldn't mind taking all the way to the end. And SO FAR, he has been open with me about everything. Well. That was until yesterday. Yesterday something interesting happened which kinda shook me. It has to do more with Julia/Dorothy though so I will save it for when I talk about them next. But back to Burnie. When we were just discussing merge he was like "This should be easy". And I wasn't afraid to share my paranoia about Dorothy with him. And weirdly enough, it felt like he was trying to talk me out of being paranoid? It was a very strange feeling. Like usually I am the one who is misted by the pretty, friendly girl. This time it seems to be him. I TRUST Burnie. But like not 100%. Which brings me to ...

 
Why am I putting these 2 together? Well. This part is a little complex for me to properly explain. So my dynamic with both these girls is similar but not the same. It's different shades of flirting. With Julia I am WAY TOO OVER THE TOP flirtatious. To the point where it likely comes off fake (and a lot of it absolutely is fake) Like I cannot find ANYTHING else to bond over with. The ONLY thing that has worked is this flirting. With Dorothy, I am very much laid back, very much my own self. I don't actually FLIRT with Dorothy. I treat her as if she was my friend. I do feel very personally close with Dorothy (but I am sure everyone feels this way). But like, ALL of it is real with Dorothy. Heck I have mentioned in here how I wouldn't mind playing for her to win. So that's where I thought I stood with Dorothy and Julia. One is a fake OTT flirty relationship. One is a GENUINE friendship.

But turns out, I WAS WRONG! Julia comes to me yetserday saying she got into the Idol board. Ok. Not that big a deal. But the kicker is, Dorothy was the one who shared the password with Julia. DOROTHY. So Dorothy shared the password to an idol board where the idol was already claimed with Julia and not me??? Like even if I am not a real ally I don't see why she wouldn't just share this information with me (which is like so harmless like what am I gonna do with an empty Idol board's password??) On top of that, Julia said that Julia talked to Burnie about it who also told her that Dorothy told him too! Julia and I concluded that Dorothy carefully picked what to tell and whom to tell it to. Still makes ZERO sense why Dorothy wouldn't tell me. It's just baffling and kinda disheartening to me. It's like for the 1734th time, the person who I would have probably laid down my life in the game for, doesn't reciprocate this trust. And I'm sick of it.

Now what is even more surprising to me is Julia keeps reiterating this notion to me that I am the one she trusts the most. She actually went so far as to IMPLY a Final 2 with me yesterday. I pretty much had to come out and formally offer her one. And obviously if I CAN go to the end with Julia, I WILL. Especially now lmao. But like, I just dont get it. How is it that the relationship which I thought was built on fake, OTT flirting working better than the relationship I felt was built on genuine freindship and mutual admiration??? Is this why they say we can't have nice things in life? Is this a sign? 

So like right now I am very confused about my standing in the game. I don't even have like a PROPER #1 ally who I can spill my guts to. But maybe that's for the best? I am too used to having someone I can fully depend on. I mean usually I don't REALLY have one and I just fool myself into thinking I have one. But this time I am aware for a change that I am a lone wolf. It's not exactly fun to feel so alone. But it is exciting to think of the prospect of overcoming it. Seriously if I can keep it together mentally being alone and make it to the end, I will consider that a win in and of itself. That's also to say I don't think I can beat anyone here lol. I have no idols nor the knowledge of where they actually are. I cannot rely on likability to win in an FTC since Dorothy, Burnie are way more likable than I am and IDT I can make it to FTC without them (barring immunity runs). I don't see myself having the opportunity to make any moves whatsoever. I have no idea WHAT I should do to improve my spot. I just am feeling so out of my depth here. I wouldn't be surprised if everything I wrote in this confessional turns out to be a complete joke once next round starts.

I guess I'll close this one out by saying how it saddens me thinking that Dorothy doesn't see my value as an ally. It's not the first time I have felt this feeling. And it most certainly won't be the last. But it doesn't get any easier. I hate it when I feel SO close to someone and they don't reciprocate. And just to be clear, I am not mad AT Dorothy. Like she has her own agency and opinion on who she wants as her close ally. I am just saddened by the thought of not knowing what more I could have done, or where I went wrong. SIGH. Another day, another heartbreak. When will you learn Ian. When will you learn.

[Katia Winter]

OMG I want to hug you.

[Ian Rosenberger]

Aug 30, 2016 1:34:51 GMT Katia Winter said:

OMG I want to hug you.

[Nikki Grahame]

Just to touch on your point with Cody. I disagree.


You say it's not fair he didn't get a chance to save himself and he was just doomed because of Jasmine. He did have a chance to save himself. In this last challenge exile Island was basically Amsterdam's version of the individual immunity necklace. He went head-to-head with Natalie and Jasmine and had every chance to fairly win his way to the merge in an individual competition. He failed.

How would it be fair to have him compete in an elimination challenge to decide between the final two? In survivor if one person knows they are on the bottom and will be voted out at the next Tribal Council and they have a chance to win safety and they lose, they don't get a second chance to win safety again.

[Ian Rosenberger]

Round 9 aka Final 10:

So here we go. This is it bitches! This is where the game TRULY begins (and maybe ends?) for ol Batberger. Lets get right into it shall we?

The first merged comp was a mini. And it was AMAZING <3 I loved it so much. Cherry on top was me being able to play out Ian's Survivor story. I LOVED doing that.

I'll stop this confessional and just say to Katia and Nikki that while I did mean to sound serious in my TC post, I am not really angry at anyone lol. That post is really intended to stir things up a bit and see if it affects how people see me. One thing that has been an annoyance this game is that no one is really interested to talk GAME. So I wanted to seem a little pedantic and maybe even arrogant in the hopes that game talk might become more open with me? IDK. It was just an idea. I absolutely love both Nikki and Katia as hosts. Publicly arguing with Nikki is a true highlight and she is such a great sport about it <3 Katia too although Katia is a little less jokey perse. So please don't take that TC post the wrong way. Anyway back to regularly scheduled confessionaling.

So the comp went well. I actually really enjoyed Kathy's mini story of defying the odds EVRY SINGLE VOTE and making it all the way to F2. Of course she wasn't going to actually win the thing because well we all want to vote her out. And she just went and showed that she can be INSANELY good at comps. Not only that, in the 2 hours or so where we were playing she endeared herself to Burnie so much so that he said he doesn't wanna boot her. That kind of social and comp capability is way too scary to keep around. Coupled that with her never actually talking to me (or Dustin or Tim) and she needs to go. As a side note, I am like 99% sure this is Keri.

Now I made that TC post in the morning and still today game talk has been virtually nonexistent. Like Carrie, Julia, Tim have touched base with me about voting Kathy. And that's it. There's still no alliance chat. Burnie and I talked about it a bit last night. But he wanted me to "be the leader" and make it. Come on! Firstly I was tired. Secondly I am bored. Thirdly, I was fucking tired. I did mean to do it today but then something happened today that has made me question everything.

Tim came to me and said "Don't trust Burnie". He said that he "HEARD" Burnie and Dorothy want to vote him out before Final 6. He wouldn't say where he heard this from (a regular feature with Tim) Just that I should be wary of what information I give to Burnie. And I told him what I've said in here before. I have NOTHING to give. I have no information of value besides what I hear from people about other people. Which is in all likelihood a lie anyways. But Tim telling me at least is a sign that he does want me around? Tim keeps saying he wants to stick with me and is "Team Ian" IDRK with this dude he has suicidal tendencies.

Then there's Dustin. I really don;t know what goes through this kid's head. He says he is all alone in the game like me. But like. He doesn't SHOW it in talks? Like it still feels he is keeping his cards close to the vest? It's very annoying. IDER if he and I have talked about a Kathy vote yet lolz.

Julia and I still have the flirty thing going. IDK how she can believe it's genuine. It's so extra and OTT. It's not that I DISLIKE Julia. I like her a lot. But like. We can't ever have a long, meaningful (lol) conversation unless I am overly flirting with her. So it's like. That's the ONLY dimension to our relationship. Yes gamewise there was a final 2 offer agreed to but like. IDK man. I have no idea really.

I actually find Natalie to be a breath of fresh air. Sure personal talks with her are hit or miss. But game talk with her is smooth and easy flowing. I need that tbh. I need to stay sane in this game. And I feel like I can trust Natalie. For a few different reasons.  She must be feeling super on the outs just because of the situation of the game. I have extended an honest, earnest approach to her and have genuinely talked game with her. She has said she trusts me the most here which yes could just me blowing smoke. But when I compare it to the others who freaking beat around the bush for everything, it's a welcome change and I want it to continue.

So the plan AFAIK is for us all to vote Kathy, Kathy votes ... Nat I guess? IDRK. I am expecting Kathy to vote me tbh I have been the most visible and vocal presence in wanting her out. I am also expecting everything to go horribly wrong and for me to be the merge boot here. But I can't do much if people don't really talk to me.

Sorry this confessional was kinda lame and all over the place. I hate uncertainty.

[Ian Rosenberger]

Final 9 aka Round 10:

Long confessional coming later today but for now, this game is ALIVE and I'm taking the first step towards becoming the VillIan I was meant to be 

[Ian Rosenberger]

Ok here we go. This is it. This is where I blow up my spot in the game and bring unwarranted attention on myself. So when the challenge ended talks quickly started of a Nat vote. I knew even then that I was not voting Nat. Nat openly discusses game with me. I don't have that with anyone else here. I'll go insane if I don't have that in the game. So while I agreed to a Nat vote with Burnie and Dustin to an extent, I was thinking in my head what to do to switch it. My IDEAL target this round was Carrie. I have next to no relationship with Carrie, she could have one if not two idols, and she isn't part of the fabled alliance of six that includes Burnie, Dorothy, Julia, Tim, Dustin and I. I talked with Tim first since he's the one I trust the most. He had his usual reply of "IDC lol" -_-

Then I talked to Dustin. He seemed kinda against a Carrie boot but all for a Jaclyn boot. It's very hard to get a read on this kid. Ultimately he and I settled on a Jaclyn boot.

And then I talked with Julia. Oh boy. It was one hell of a conversation. So I asked Julia to be honest with me in whether or not she would ever vote Carrie out. That seemed to REALLY make her uncomfortable. Like SUPER SAD. So when that happened she said she can't bring herself to vote out Carrie. To which I said fine that's ok. But then she revealed to me that Burnie, Dorothy and her (Julia) have had a Final 3 deal since OG Bruxelles. Which hey you know. I thought it was Dorothy, Julia and CARRIE. But Burnie makes sense too. Then Julia started saying all this stuff about how she just feels like a dumb follower to Dorothy and Burnie and how they will cream us all in the end. And I am just sitting here and thinking "Why is she telling me this lol". Then Julia says that she wants me at the end with her. I mean she and I do have our Final 2 and all.So I try to calm her down as best as I can and I suggest to her that keepign Nat around would be beneficial for us since Dorothy won't work with Nat ever. She agrees to that. I also tell her that we can blindside Burnie next round (Final 8 lol) to which she also agrees. So at that point it's looking to me like a Jaclyn boot is what will happen. And my primary goal this round was to save Nat so I am all good with this. I need to make sure Burnie is cool with it but I am confident I can do this.

But then next morning, Julia and I talk again. And she's like "Why are we waiting till next round to vote Burnie" And I am like ", I thought that's what you wanted lol" And she says she thinks we should do it now since Dorothy is on exile and all. And at this point I am really conflicted. I really like Burnie but I have come to terms that I have to take him out. Either this round or next. And I was REALLY hoping to do it at Final 8 because Final 8 is the cursed round for both me and Grnt. You know how Game of Thrones had the Battle of the Bastards? Final 8 could have been the Battle of the F8ers between me and Grnt. I KNOW THAT SOUNDS SILLY BUT IT'S IMPORTANT TO ME OK?!?! But alasssss. Julia wanted to do it this round and TBH it does make sense to do it now because Burnie does not expect it all (IDT) and Dorothy, his biggest ally is away on exile. Now's the time to strike. I THINK everything is in place for it to be a clean blindside. This is what I know

Julia, Tim, Nat and I are voting Burnie. Julia said Carrie will do it too. The Julia-Carrie bond is STRONG and I need to keep that in mind.
Burnie, Dustin are voting Jaclyn.
Jaclyn is voting Nat.

IF Burnie finds out that he is the vote, he will almost definitely vote for me and play an idol if he has one. If he doesn't, then next round I will have a few options. I will also have three people who will pretty much hate me :X Dustin will feel betrayed and alone, Dorothy will be PISSED, Jaclyn will ... pout? I am mostly leaning towards getting rid of Jaclyn next because no one is playing an idol on Jaclyn. But we'll see.

Now I DO feel bad about voting Grnt Burnman out here. I LIKE the guy. He is grade-A top notch conversationalist and a damn good player. Like I will admit any day of the week he's better than me. BUT. He kept his Final 3 deal from me. He has hidden idol knowledge from me. And it's very likely he will strike against me soon if I don't get him first. I'm sorry if this wasn't true Burnman and if you really did want to go DEEP with me. But the fact remains I am not in your Final 3 plans. And I feel like I have to take the shot at you when I have the chance now. As a side, IF I had the option of targetting Dorothy, I very likely would have done that. But she's at exile. Besides I am not 100% sure that Julia would vote Dorothy out just yet. I have the advantage of having Tim and Nat on my side 100%. I FEEL like Julia wants me around for now at least if not all the way. I still don't get HOW exactly she and I got so close to the point where she is chucking her OG F3 with Burnie/Dorothy to go with me. So I will have options next round. But my visibility will be up the roof and my "good guy" reputation will be shattered. The game's on folks and it's time for the rise of the VillIan 

(cue Ian blindside in 30 minutes LOLOLOLOLOL)

[Ian Rosenberger]

Round 11 aka Final 8:

I think I just made a HUGE mistake. I'm a fucking dumbass. Sorry Grnt. But in my defense, you really should have told me about the Final 3 deal you had without me. You can't claim to be loyal on one hand and keep things like that from me on another. We went through this same exact thing in Battlefield 2. BUT. I now have to rely on Julia to vote out Jaclyn. ... I am so fucked.

[Ian Rosenberger]

Tim tells me today, very causually, that Burnie did indeed have the Bruxelles idol. And he plays it off like it's no big deal.

HOW THE FUCK IS THAT NOT A BIG DEAL. WHY WAIT TILL NOWWWWW TO TELL ME. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!

I am just so like baffled. What do these people think of me tbh. Like Burnie and Dorothy were living in their ideal world where they thought no one (but mostly me) wouldn't find out about their 1000 other deals and they could string me along based on the fact that I liked them. Make no mistake about it. I DO like Dorothy. And I DID like Burnie. And the ironic thing is, I am one of the few people who wouldn't care that they had their hands in multiple cookie jars if they would JUST TELL ME. But noooooooooooooo. They thought it better to keep things from me. Burnie trusted Tim (TIM!) with the knowledge he has an idol. Dorothy admitted to having a Final 3 with Julia and Burnie the night Burnie was voted out when I asked her and says she hid it from me because she didn't know if Burnie and Julia would like that she told me about it. Well. Why should her bond with them dictate her bond with me. Like how can these people not realize that HIDING stuff is a clear indication of a lack of trust. And no I am not a hypocrite for wanting to keep Dustin out of the loop because I striaght up told him my concerns. With Dorothy she was still trying to make me feel bad about what I did till I worked up the courage and ASKED her upfront about her F3 deal. And Burnie. Hoooboy. He was PISSED at me. But like. He didn't tell me he had an F3 which didn't include me. He didn't tell me he had an idol. Yet he claims he was loyal to me? WHAT?

So while I do feel now that the vote was the right one, the fact that I now don't know where Tim stands 100% is fucking scaring me. That's also not taking into account that Dorothy could still be lying to me when she says she doesn't have the exile idol. It's not taking into account that Julia and Nat deliberately kept Jaclyn in the loop last round when I did my best to leave her out so she could be an easy boot this round. So now I am terrified of a trio of Julia, Carrie, Jaclyn with Nat enabling them for now. I do think that even if this group is real, I wouldn't be target #1 for them. It would likely be Dustin.

But that doesn't make me feel better. I don't want my life in the game to be ENTIRELY dependent on whether or not Julia wants to go to the end with me. So I need Jaclyn out right now. I need to keep Dustin, Dorothy in the game for a bit to act as shields. Nat also falls in that category. My problem now though is that I was angling for an F4 of Julia, Carrie, Tim and I. With the hopes that Tim would tie it for me if it comes to that. Now I am not so sure if he would do that.

And now Tim is saying he wants to vote Dorothy next. And that he "heard" other people mentioning her name too. UGH. I hate being allied with Tim tbh. He is an annoying presence when it comes to game talk like he is so fucking cagey. I called him out earlier on his sketchy bullshit and he really had no answer. I don't know I feel like I am fighting a losing battle regardless. I still feel very alone in this game. I don't know who I can fully trust. I feel like the best thing I can do at this stage is to selectively and carefully leak stuff to people about others. I know that sounds VERY TRIVIAL but it isn't for me. Not having that one person who I can fully trust is really handicapping me and I am not sure how much life I still have left in the game.

[Ian Rosenberger]

*Ian to Dorothy*

"Lets vote Jaclyn. Here is a list of reasons why it makes more sense to take out Jac over Nat.
Nat is a huge shield and someone who won't make it to FTC because no one will willingly go to FTC with her.
Jac however is a wildcard who can be scooped up as a number and a potentially easy beat at FTC. She will take up a spot at FTC."

*Dorothy to Ian*

"But Nat. Comps. Win out. Win game"

*Ian to Dorothy*

"She's not a challenge beast. She was on the tribe that lost every single challenge. And the merge is filled with people who won those challenges. She won't win out."

*Dororthy to Ian.*

"K"

*30 minutes later*

"DOROTHY WINS IMMUNITY AND EXILES JACLYN"

...

-_____________________________________________-

(This has been a cartoonish but not entirely inaccurate representaiton of the events of last night. Actual confessional coming up shortly)

[Ian Rosenberger]

Sooooooo that happened. Dororthy exiled Jaclyn. JACLYN. Until otherwise proved I am gonna assume she did it just to stick it to me for voting Burnie. Real mature Dorothy. Swell job.

I'll pause briefly and say that I am not oblivious to how much of a hypocrite I am being in my dealings with a lot of people. I was mad/annoyed at Tim because he didn't tell me about Burnie's idol. Yet here I am not telling him about the Final 2 between Julia and I. I was sad that Dorothy didn't tell me about her F3 that didn't include me and was HOPING to have me at F4 and then roll the dice I guess? Which is pretty much what I am hoping for with Tim and Julia because they don't want an outright F3 with each other (AFAIK?). So yes. I am a big fat hypocrite. However. That doesn't mean my strategy and reasons for wanting Jaclyn out are inaccurate or unreasonable.

So yes I approached Dorothy and told her I want Jaclyn out. She wants Nat out still. She is so terrified of Nat that she has tunnel vision. So what does Dorothy do? She exiles Jaclyn. Yes she almost certainly sealed Nat's fate by doing this. But at what cost? Dorothy is leaving herself exposed to being taken out via the argument of "lol big threat lets vote her out lol". Why don't people appreciate good shields? It saddens me. And again yes I recognize that Burnie was a potential shield for me. I do think back on whether the Burnie vote would have worked without my participation. I think Julia, Carrie, Jaclyn would vote Burnie. Would Tim vote Burnie had I not also voted Burnie? Not sure. Nat would likely be more inclined to vote Burnie over Jac. I am unsure. Had I known about Burnie's idol, would I have tipped him off? I know NOW after the fact that tipping him off would have been the better move for me. But during the round, I am not sure if I'd have done it. BUT ANYWAYS. Dorothy wants Nat out and it doesn't look like I can change her mind.

Tim is a strange case as always. I made my pitch to Tim. I am gonna screenshot it here because it's too much effort to type.

I have reached the point where I have to assume Tim is on my side. If Tim isn't on my side, I am fucked regardless. At least that's how I feel. I could be wrong but whatever. So I HOPE Tim will vote Carrie if Dustin agrees to it. Even though Tim agreed to it to my face, I just don't know with this dude. Yesterday we did promise each other though that we'd never vote each other out. I hope that means something.

I tried talking to Dustin. I was really candid and I told him to his face that he is the probably swing vote for this round. Julia, Carrie, Dorothy wanting to vote Nat v/s Nat, me and potentially Tim wanting to vote Carrie. He is playing it off very cool and very nonchalantly. Which is good. I hope he realizes the importance of this swing vote position and how crucial it is for him to be in it. Once Nat goes home, there is no Nat v/s Dorothy conflict to take advantage of. Sending Nat home right now is not at all advantageous for Dustin UNLESS he has a Final 3 with Julia and Carrie. Which I do not think he does. They left him out of the loop for last vote. And if that was all staged, which is possible, then props to them. And if thats the case then I can't do anything anyways. If Carrie survives this vote, I fully believe the Final 3 will be Julia, Carrie and a person of their choosing (not accounting for Immunity runs). Who will this person be? I don't know but if it isn't Jaclyn that person will likely get my vote to win. However I am personally not OK with putting my life in the game in the hands of Julia/Carrie. To whoever does that and survives, I wish them the best.

Speaking of Julia, I am so conflicted. I just don't know what to believe. Dustin told me that Carrie knows I want her out. Only 3 people knew this. Dustin, Tim and Julia. Out of those 3, Julia is the most likely to have told Carrie this. Which just sucks for me because WHO THE FUCK CAN I TRUST!!! I don't know what Julia wants. I feel like I won't be eliminated this round no matter how hard I push for a Carrie vote with Tim, Dustin and Nat. Even IF they rat me out to Julia, Carrie I'm still very likely to survive this round over Nat. But for NEXT round, I don't know. There's no reason to NOT boot me. Siiiiiiiigh. Even though I want to feel like I know what the dynamics are, I still feel like a toddler flapping his arms in the kiddie pool while the rest of the cast is siping Mojitos on the beach. And that just sucks.

[Ian Rosenberger]

This round is such a mess and I kinda compounded it. I think this is shaping upto be a Julia boot somehow? Dustin started that train and it just caught on. I am probably, very likely, gonna just throw my vote away on Carrie. I hate throwing votes but like IDRC lol. Detailed confessional tomorrow or maybe later tonight.

[Ian Rosenberger]

I don't know whats going to happen. All I know is there is no one I can feel 100% comfortable voting for except Carrie. So I am voting Carrie. I know no one else will do it. But fuck that. I don't care.

Dustin refused to vote out Carrie because Carrie is not a threat. I agree Carrie is not a threat but that means she can be another candidate to get dragged to the end. And I just don't like that. Dustin started talking about a Julia vote. He brought it up with Nat, Tim and I. I was very conflicted at the time but I told Dustin I would do it. My priority #1 this round is to save Natalie.

But then I felt very guilty. I didn't warn Burnie about his blindside and I regretted it this round. I did not want that same regret with Julia. So I told her she's being targeted by Dustin. This was very likely a mistake on my part but again. Fuck it.

...

And Tim just told me he voted Natalie so literally everything I was going to write is completely moot.

Julia, Dorothy, Tim voted Nat
Dustin said he voted Julia but who knows
Nat is saying she'll vote Julia but who knows
Carrie's vote will likely get randomized.
I am not voting Julia or Nat. Or Dustin or Tim so I have no choice but to vote Carrie.

Everything about this round sucks. Tim decided he wants Nat out because "we can't beat her in an F2 and she's formidable at challenges". I am really tired repeating the same old shit to these people so I really am done at this point. I am still very likely to not get voted out THIS round. But I don't know about Final 7 or 6. So ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Ian Rosenberger]

Final 7 aka Round 12:

Well hello! It is your friendly neighbourhood village idiot, Ian! Back with another confessional bordering on "woe is me". This game has been a unique experience in that I don't know how to feel about myself. I am of the belief that there are no RIGID heroes and villains in a game of Survivor. That everyone has their grey areas. But at the very least each indivudual has a more prominent side. Take Dorothy for example. Def more of a Hero. Same with Nat. You could say Julia is a conflicted villain but a villain nonetheless. Tim also is a conflicted person but certainly more of a villain than a hero. Dustin, the poor kid, has been knocked down so much he is a hero by sheer circumstance.

But what about me? Where do I stand on this spectrum? I don't have power or control. Does that make me a hero because of the "underdog" label? I blindsided the fuck out of Burnman, one of my dear friends in the game (and out too but that doesn't matter). I have been spreading shit that people tell me with little to no concern for how that'll make others feel. I have lied and made deals I don't think I can keep. I don't know where I am going with this but just wanted to say I don't know how to feel about my game. Except that I am having fun 

So now. Nat is gone. Don't get me wrong part of me is glad she went without it having to be by my hands specifically. I am not an idiot I know she was unbeatable at FTC. But I disagree with the timing of it. So now we're left with 3 Bruxelle girls - Julia, Carrie, Dorothy out of which we know Julia and Carrie are inseprable and that Julia had an F3 deal with Dorothy so they are close too. On paper, that's a very likely F3. Now Julia has mentioned to me in the past how she thinks Dorothy will "cream us all at the end". TBF to her she mentioned that about Burnie AND Dorothy. But regardless Julia did turn on Dorothy too when she voted out Burnie. Hoever it wouldn't be too surprising if they have made up and are on their way to becoming an F3. In which case GGWP to Dorothy and I'd gladly vote for her to win. I believe the more realistic scenario is that Julia and Carrie will scoop up Jaclyn as their F3 partner. And boot Dorothy at Final 4. Dorothy has proven to me by her actions that she is SOCIAL player and doesn't give that much importance to the strategy of keeping shields around. Her path to the end is staying loyal to her girls and hoping they stay loyal because of how close they are. Admirable sentiment. But doesn't always work out.

So that leaves the 3 boys as the next 3 on the chopping block. Out of Dustin, Tim and I, I would say Dustin is the most at risk. He wants Julia out and Julia wants him out. Unless Dustin wins immunity/exile, I do feel like he will be voted out this round. Tim came to me saying he is upset that Dustin is mad at him. He is saying as of now that he would vote Carrie, Julia or Jaclyn. But it's Tim. Wishy washy up the wazu. I told him already that the only people I am willing to vote for are Carrie or Jaclyn. Which is problematic since Dustin is only willing to vote for Julia. And Dustin logged off from AIM saying he'll be back for the challenge only. Which means even IF Dustin. Tim and I can agree on one name and swear to stick to it, even go to rocks if necessary, that hinges on one of us winning immunity and exiling a girl (Dorothy most likely) and actually sticking together. None of those things are likely outcomes.

So lets look at a more realistic scenario. I made an exile/immunity deal with Dustin yesterday. This was before I thought of this potential 3-3 tie and before I had talked to Tim. That would PROBABLY be best case scenario for me? Dustin winning immunity and sending me to exile. I'd probably miss out on a FUN round of voting but I'd make it to Final 6. But that would put Tim at risk of getting voted out. Which would be no bueno for me but would hopefully mean a jury vote for me to win? At this point in time, if I am sitting in an F3 with Julia and Carrie, I'd get the votes of Burnie, Nat, Tim and Dustin to win. And maybe Kathy? So like I feel like I do still have a SMALL shot to win this game. But to get to F3 with Julia and Carrie, I have to survive being voted out over Tim (not sure if I can do that without immunity), survive being voted out over Dustin (this is doable since Julia wants Dustin out more than she wants me out) and then comp whore my way from there on out because I highly doubt the girls will turn on each other. Although if push comes to shove I am 100% throwing Dorothy under the bus as the person who will "sweep the jury" or "crush all of us in front of a jury" or some other crap that makes Julia scared to go to the end with her. I don't think I am being looked at as any kind of ~jury threat~ and maybe that's for good reason since I am not really a jury threat yet. But I have a decent grasp of managing jurors on their way out and making them want to vote for me. If I can keep that up and keep surviving, I can be the type of winner that Kaoh Rong had. It's not always about flashy moves or control. It's about who the jury feels most comfortable losing to. I think I can have a case. But I need to GET there.

So what I will do this round is not worry too much. I feel like I have my bases covered if Dustin wins immunity. He sends me to exile. If I win immunity I send Dustin so that he can shield me for the next round too. If neither of us wins immunity then Dustin probably goes home and I am back to square one for next round. I don't really have to worry about who I will cast my vote for because I refuse to vote for anyone besides Jaclyn or Carrie. IDGAF what others are doing. And in the UNLIKELY EVENT that Jaclyn/Carrie win immunity and send the other to exile, I'd vote for Julia or Dorothy. Most likely Dorothy. We'll see. Should be a fun round.

[Ian Rosenberger]

I decided I am gonna amuse myself by trolling Carrie. Here are my attempts so far







After all of this she asked me why I wanted her out to which I said she's never around and we don't talk much. She replied to that saying she thought she and I had a great relationship and I asked her what she was basing that on. She couldn't really give a straight answer but said she is around more now and she would like to talk more starting now. And after about 15 mins of talking Aus Survivor she disappeared again. So I'd say the overall success of this trolling operation was 7/10 and I would do it again.