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Post by Ian Rosenberger on Sept 11, 2016 6:04:23 GMT
Jaclyn has to be the luckiest dumb bitch to have ever lived. Fuck everything tbh
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Post by Ian Rosenberger on Sept 11, 2016 6:17:26 GMT
Really fucking annoyed at myself at that challenge. Not submitting the TB was the WORST but I actually thought of changing the stupid zombie apocalypse answer to me instead of Dorothy. I HATE being eliminated at a challenge I could have and SHOULD have won like UGH.
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Post by Ian Rosenberger on Sept 12, 2016 0:26:22 GMT
I think this will be my last confessional. And you know part of me will be relieved when I am voted off tonight? Don't get me wrong I really do want to be in the game and I would really like to make it to the end. But I have been so bad and made so many mistakes and just I am so tired. I am emotionally spent and I just want a release.
Julia says the Final 2 deal between her and I "MEANT" something to her but it doesn't anymore because I voted Carrie instead of Natalie. ... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I told her, Nat isn't here anymore. The game is different now. I asked her how it benefits her to keep Dustin over me. She said it doesn't. She said she needs to ~think~ about stuff.
Meanwhile, Tim is telling me he will vote Dustin because of the promise he made me. I do not believe Tim. But I have nothing else going for me. I told Julia this. That Tim will vote Dustin. And I asked her what she has to lose by voting Dustin with me. She is immune. This was the last of our game conversation
No idea what to make of it. None at all.
Dorothy at least straight up told me she's voting for me. And she's confident I am leaving. Which means I probably am. Dustin could have the idol and play it. Tim and Julia could just vote me to cut their losses. I don't know what to believe.
Worst part tho is, I feel awful about what I did to Dustin. I have been lying to his face the whole time. The whole time. As far as the game goes, I never had his back. I never intended to work with him. And this is a guy I consider a friend both in game and out of it. I am afraid I have lost Jamie's friendship. I am afraid I have lost Grnt's too but that's a whole different issue. That is really hurting me. And I lost it over reasons I don't even know. Like I can't even justify to myself why I did what I did this game. I think this is one of my absolute worst performances in a game ever. And I need to think hard before signging up to play another new game because this was just pathetic. Tim claims he wouldn't have voted Burnie if I wouldn't have. Would that have been enough to save Burnie and vote off Jaclyn? I don't know. I don't even know if I believe Tim. I know nothing.
I have lost sight of why I started this confessional. This is so bad. tl;dr Julia and Tim claim they will vote Dustin with me to make it a 3-3. I don't believe anyone. I am sorry Jamie. At this point all I care about is your forgiveness. Which I am not gonna get right now. So I hope you give me the chance once the game is over.
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Post by Ian Rosenberger on Sept 12, 2016 5:07:37 GMT
Round 13 aka Final 6:
I hate everything. But most of all I hate myself. |
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Post by Ian Rosenberger on Sept 12, 2016 6:42:13 GMT
 HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW DOROTHY??? HOW DO YOU FEEL NOW YOU STRATEGICALLY IDIOTIC, SOCIALLY PERFECT HUMAN BEING?
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Post by Ian Rosenberger on Sept 12, 2016 6:56:47 GMT
I should go to bed. Today has been wayyyy tooo long. I am sorry for what happened to you Dorothy. I am sorry it had to end this way. I am saddened at the thought of waking up tomorrow, looking to the left side of my AIM, seeing your icon but not being able to say "Ian Rosenberger waves" or call you whatever silly nickname I come up with on the fly for the day. I meant what I said to you way back. You're a very special individual and I am so very glad I got the chance to meet you.
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Post by Ian Rosenberger on Sept 12, 2016 23:58:12 GMT
 What a fucking joke. Tim is bar none the most confusing ally I have EVER had and quite routinely makes me want to pull my hair out. |
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Post by Ian Rosenberger on Sept 13, 2016 17:19:53 GMT
 Solid 6/10 |
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Post by Ian Rosenberger on Sept 13, 2016 20:19:04 GMT
No one is really talking to me on AIM right now and I am so bored. I have SOME work to do but ehhh. So this spit out stream of consciousness mess of a confessional is what you'll get.
So Dorothy was blindsided in a 3-2-1 vote last round. I could sit here and say I saw it coming but I didn't. Not during THIS round. Heck part of me thought that Dorothy had succeddfully rekindled the Final 3 with Julia and Carrie. She herself must have thought that too. We had a kind of melancholy conversation that day. She told me she is going to vote me, she is sorry and would like to keep in touch after the game. I appreciated that and I thanked her for all the fun times. I truly, genuinely believed I was toast. And when results came in I just snapped in the group chat. Not the best move but that was raw emotion. Like I was seriously not even going to check the board that night. I was watching Australian Survivor and figured "fuck checking Euro results. I can wait till tomorrow to read Ponderosa". So the moment I come back on I get IMs from Carrie and Tim. I really just couldn't handle it anymore and I snapped at Tim. I told Carrie I can't really talk to her right now. Dustin also messaged me saying "Welcome to the bottom for real this time". It was an overwhelming gush of emotions but really the one I felt the most was exhaustion. This emotional hell is not over yet and now I don't even have the compant of Dorothy to make it fun at least. I am tired and broken down at this point tbh.
After the shock had passed, I recomposed yesterday. I had decent conversations with Tim and Carrie. That's when Tim told me about having 2 idols. Or atleast like alluded to it. I am gonna rant about Tim here. He is fucking awful. He keeps crying to me that "Oh everyone hates me. Oh I'll be out soon." Like fuck off dude. He has 2 idols (supposably. could be another one of his thousand lies) and there's only 2 tribals left for him to play them. He CLAIMS that if he and I can get through this round (ideally with immunity and exile) then he will "get us both to four". Whatever. I have to keep reiterating to him not to treat me like I am an idiot (even tho I am I would like to not be TREATED like one). He keeps his cards EXTREMELY close to his vest. Which hey. More power to you man. But then don't come crying when people dislike you for it. Stand by your decision. Own your game (yes I am not one to talk having played the way I have but this isn't about me GOD DAMN IT). I have reiterated to Tim time after time that I made him a promise to never vote for him. And I will stick true to that. He claims he will stick true to his promise as well. And he DID save me last round (so he claims) So at this point I don't really have a choice but to believe in Tim. But it's getting REAL tiresome and I gave him a piece of my mind today.
It's whatever to me at this point I am beyond the point of caring and quicjly approaching the trolling territory (atleast for today)
Now lets talk about Dustin. I feel so absolutely shitty for everything I have done to him. But I am enough of an asshole where I can completely keep aside my feelings for Jamie as a person and keep treating him just as bad moving forward. But I am afraid of how hard he is taking this. I tried to break the ice again today with some fun banter. Even tried the High School Musical thing with him. Didn't work. As far as the game goes the SMART move is for the 3 guys to vote together against one of the girls at the upcoming TC (assuming all three of us are AT TC) because if not, we're looking at a final 3 of Carrie, Julia, Jaclyn and a 9-0-0 win for Julia. But. That is unlikely to happen because of the feeling of resentment he has for me, and my unwillingness to work with him. It's NOT personal. There is just no workable trust there. Yes that's my fault and I wish I could take it back or make it better. But I can't. The die is cast. We have to hate each other till both of our bitter ends. Tim feels like Dustin is the big underdog hero who everyone is rooting for. I wish I could say definitively if that's true or not but I can't. I just don't know.
Moving onto Carrie. Its very hard to gauge where Carrie and I stand. Sure she was one of the votes to save me. But that was more about eliminating ~el big threat~ Dorothy than it was about saving me. She keeps saying "I want talk more". And then disappears. Holy mixed signals Batberger! (miss u RobHuin  ) Carrie isn't DUMB. She must atleast realize she can't beat Julia. But till she HERSELF approaches someone else about eliminating Julia, no one's gonna talk to her about it because of how close those 2 are. So I hope she is prepared to lose to Julia OR she is talking to whoever she trusts more (Dustin maybe? IDFK) about dethroning Julia at some point. I like Carrie. I wouldn't vote for her over Julia. But I like her as a person. I think she is a sweetheart by nature.
Which brings us to Julia. So conflicted bro. Today morning I was thinking of writing her this big ass PM where I tell her how I feel about her. Which is basically I don't know how I feel about her. I started out as being very meh on her. We didn't connect at all (from my perspective). Conversations used to fizzle out. Then I started just shamelessly flirting. And for some reason that worked??? IDGI. How or why did it work? Maybe it never worked. Maybe Julia just wanted me to THINK it worked so that she could keep stringing me along like a lamb to the slaughter. The funny/sad/cringe? part is that somewhere along the way, I fell for my own act. Somehow I have convinced myself that I actually care about Julia and that maybe, just maybe, she actually cares about me. But that's not true is it. No one cares about anyone. No one SHOULD care about me. I am terrible. But when the time comes for TC, and I inevitable don't have immunity, I will have to go crawling to her again to spare my life. It doesn't make much sense for Julia to eliminate me before Dustin but ehhh. What do I know. And if Dustin is immune, I am fucked anyways. I might not even bother talking about the vote if Dustin is immune.
Last and most certainly the least in this cast is Jaclyn. I will state here for the record that she is not ACTUALLY dumb. She is just acting dumb with me. Which hey. I am not the easiest person to get along with. So she doesn't have to like me. But when I have to resort to ridiculous trolling to get any sort of meaningful replies out of her, I am not going to feel good about her as a player or even a person. Just check out my attempt at elicting ANY type of reply from her
It's just draining. To talk to her. So I will hope that she is doing it on purpose so as to keep me at arms length. Still I see no possible scenario where I vote for her to win this game. Even if its a Final 3 of Dustin, Jaclyn and Carrie, I'll probably vote for Dustin in that case.
I have been messing with people all day and in general just being annoying. If they weren't going to vote me out already I am making a very good case for me to get voted out now. SHRUGZ. I am just bored and tired now and throwing stuff at the wall tbh. YOLOAF.
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Post by Ian Rosenberger on Sept 14, 2016 20:21:35 GMT
I re-read all of my confessionals from merge onwards and LOL. I was right about a few things like Tim's incessantly annoying nature, the need for Dorothy to keep Nat in as a shield, Carrie most likely making it to F3 if she survived the F8 vote, Dustin and I's relationship going downhill. But LMFAO @ me thinking that I will be targeted for being a threat? HAHAHAHAHAHA. What a fucking joke.
Since there is nothing else to do really, I might as well make predictions on the jury's FTC vote
Cody, Jasmine - Will vote for the most ~visible game~ So Julia > Tim > Dustin > Ian
Kathy - I may have a decent shot at Kathy's vote but Julia > Dustin > Ian > Tim
Burnie - If he is still as upset at Julia as he was when he got out, I could get his vote. But more likely it's Julia = Dustin > Tim > Ian
Nat - I HOPE I am the front runner for Nat's vote but my stray vote must have soured her on me so as a pessimistic I'll say Julia > Dustin > Ian > Tim
Dorothy - Julia > Dustin > Ian > Tim
Basically what this means is that I need to go to Final 3 with Carrie and Jaclyn to have any semblance of a chance. FUCK MY LIFE. Can this nightmare please end soon?
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Post by Ian Rosenberger on Sept 15, 2016 3:04:47 GMT
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) Carrie isn't DUMB. She must atleast realize she can't beat Julia. But till she HERSELF approaches someone else about eliminating Julia, no one's gonna talk to her about it because of how close those 2 are. So I hope she is prepared to lose to Julia OR she is talking to whoever she trusts more (Dustin maybe? IDFK) about dethroning Julia at some point. I like Carrie. I wouldn't vote for her over Julia. But I like her as a person. I think she is a sweetheart by nature.